One of the biggest concerns that our Westmoreland County family lawyers hear from our clients is how to make the divorce as easy as possible on their kids. After a long divorce and child custody battle, our clients tend have hurt feelings, and are feeling a lot of blame towards their former spouse. Sometimes, that sense of anger will be expressed to the kids. One of the worst things that any divorced parent can do is to put your kids in the middle of your divorce. Terry Gaspard, a Licensed Social Worker, provides some tips in the Huffington Post for minimizing the impact of your decision to divorce on your kids:
•1. Remind your kids that the divorce is not their fault. Express to them that the problem was between you and your ex-spouse, and that it has nothing to do to them. Remind them that both parents still love them.
•2. Remember that your ex-spouse is also your child’s parent. For that reason, you have to continue to deal with them. Because they are a vitally important part of your child’s life, they are worthy of respect.
•3. Don’t complain to your child about your ex-spouse, thereby putting them in the middle of your conflict. At best it’s upsetting, and at worst it can lead to a damaging loyalty conflict.
•4. If your ex-spouse is angry and uncompromising, try to work with them without responding angrily. Remember that your child’s needs should come before your own, and as satisfying as it might be to blow up, it will cause an even greater explosion with your child’s feelings. Try to be respectful and cooperative even if the effort is not reciprocated.
•5. If your kids are older and living on their own, make scheduling easier for them by realizing that they can’t spend all of their time with both parents. Try to work out a schedule that maximizes time with both parents, perhaps by rotating holidays, or if geographically possible, dividing up the day so that the child can spend time with both. (This is also true for younger children, but you will probably have resolved this issue in your Custody order).
Contact our experienced team of family lawyers today to discuss your divorce case!